The Next Chapter in My Recovery Journey
Healing on the Outside
When I began my recovery journey from anorexia, I knew I needed to restore my weight to become medically stable and begin the process of physical healing. For anyone who has gone through weight restoration, they know how challenging and, at times, grueling it can be. It wasn’t just about eating more; it was about facing fears, re-learning to trust my body, and overcoming the deeply ingrained anxieties that came with each meal.
After years of dedication and support, I reached my target weight, and my friends and support circle celebrated this milestone with me. They’d ask how it felt to be recovered, congratulating me on what they assumed was the end of my journey. The problem was, despite looking “recovered” on the outside, I felt far from it on the inside. If anything, I felt even more vulnerable.
Feeling Exposed
Restoring my weight was only one part of healing, and in surrendering the control I had with my eating disorder, I’d let go of what felt like a safety net. This phase left me exposed to emotions, thoughts, and fears that the eating disorder had masked. I was forced to face the real work that lay ahead—healing on the inside. This part of recovery wasn’t as visible, and it didn’t get the same praise or acknowledgment. But it was where the true transformation needed to happen.
Healing on the Inside
During this stage, I realized I needed to look beyond just the physical recovery. I needed to rebuild my relationship with myself, redefine my sense of identity, and find new ways to feel safe and in control that didn’t involve self-destruction. Finding my authentic Self, a renewed understanding of my spiritual path, and connecting with others who had been through similar journeys became invaluable. I learned that the next step was about filling the void that anorexia once occupied and learning to embrace life beyond the eating disorder.
So, if you’re going through the restoration process or are supporting someone who is, know this: weight restoration is only the beginning. The real recovery happens on the inside. Healing is an ongoing journey, one that requires patience, vulnerability, and a lot of self-compassion. But with each step, we move closer to a life where we feel whole—not just on the outside but on the inside, too.
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